into oblivion.

Friday, December 30, 2005

FreNs. wadS uR definati0n 0f freNs?
feR me, i believE tt deY r e 0nes wh0 staNd bY u.
wh0 l0veS u feR wh0 u r.
i hv made al0t 0f freNs in mY 19 yRs 0f life.
0k fine.i'm exageratiN.buT seri0usly, i waS b0rn 0n tiS veRy daY,
19 yRs ag0, t0 b sum1 talkative,veRy 0utg0iN(miNd u)
& juS beiN deR feR my freNs.
they'Re lyke s0-callEd my 2nd familY.
i'm childh0od deprivEd 0f luv.mayb tts y i'm cl0seR t0 my freNs..
i,am juS sum1 wh0 alwaeS nvR fails t0 hav a r0ugh ptach in life.

i uSed t0 rem i waS alwaeS beiN teaSed in pRi skul.
h0w uglY i usEd t0 b,h0w i caNt be paRt 0f 'take5/bsb' gaNg/grp waNnabeS,
h0w sh0rt i am,h0w small my bo0bs weRe[yeah,u heaRd tt riTe].
h0w tiS n tt i waS.
i nvR had a tRue freN.. maYb deR is..
buT we s0rta dRift awaY.. i rem sze liNg n maihiRah..
n mY chineSe claSsmates as well..
deY s0rta tReat me lyke a humaN..accepT mE feR wh0 i am..
ratheR deN e 0theR mly guNdus in mY claSs wh0 weRe c0untiN
h0w maNy ex's dey caN c0llect,h0w preTty they r lah..bla3..
ttS e reas0n y i caN speak chineSe[nt flueNt lah]
cuz th0se arNd me,eveN my neighb0uR r chineSe..
my freNs r th0se 0f e 0theR race.
a suckY pRi skul life ehk?

deRs m0re. nightmaRe in sEc sch0ol to0.
tRied haRd t0 gaiN ppl'S tRust,well mayb,a lil atTenti0n.
t0 gaiN it,waS haRd. is it cuz i'm uglY 0r is iT my attitudE?
beatS me. i nvR f0und 0ut e aNs niwaeS.
i'm gRateful weN i finallY g0t cl0se t0 syikiN n iffah.
they hav alwaEs beeN standiN by mE.mayB nt diRectly at timeS
buT iNdirectlY,dey weRe der.
they'Re e p0pulaR 0nes in skul..whilE i,0n e 0theR haNd,
iS juS aN ugly duckliNg 't0mpaNg' glam0ur/famE.
ppl misundeRsto0d n misjudgEd me.
mY firST cRush/fiRst luv,a gal,
wh0[u-n0e-me] caNt keEp quieT,
well,he g0t t0 n0e i lykEd him & we diN talk aftR tt till n0w.
its beeN lyke 5 yRs i gueSs.hahx.childiSh ehk?
i diN n0e y i fell feR him.0r h0w iN tt matteR.
i diN n0e e meaniN 0f luv back deN.
0nlY n0e he's a guY wh0 siTs in fr0nt 0f me iN sec 1,
a smaRt guY,wh0 shaRes half 0f mY namE[yeah,tts riTe],
talkS t0 me & regaRds me aS a freN.
waiTed stupidlY feR 3 yRs.nt t0 b t0getha 0r wadeva lah,
juS pRayin,h0piN sumh0w fatE will twiSt n we'll b freNs agaiN.
i diN truSt guYs aftR tt iNcideNt.m0re lyke i waS tRyin
t0 shuN awaY fr0m dem. m0st teasiN camE fr0m dem.
deY huRt me enuf. tts e reas0n y i feEl unc0mf0rtable talkiN t0 guyS.
buT,i staRted faaliN feR guyS fasteR deN i t0t. buT iT wasNt luv.
tt waS INFATUATI0N.

l0okiN back,i feEl lyke laughiN aT myself feR beiN such a dumbaSs.
hehe.caNt blamE me.i'm,0h well, lykE tt.
clueleSs b0ut tiNgs,b0ut e real life.
buT e past made me wh0 i am t0daY.
i uSed t0 cRy al0t back deN.buT n0w,[i still cRy lah]
buT i've leaRned t0 c0ntr0l mY em0ti0nS n jus BE HAPPY.
sYix alwaeS say, smile! cuz u nvR n0e sum1 is falliN in luv wiT iT.
i gueSs my ex did.0r i tiNk he did.
deR was sum1 elsE b4 him buT nah,let'S puT him 0utta e pic.
0k s0,a 1st bf aT e agE 0f 17.[jus laSt yR mind u.b4 i tuRn 18]
0k u caN laugh n0w.yeS.i was tt uNluckY in luv.
w0rsT,i g0t a 'bad' guY.gReat.
deR g0es mY 0nly chaNce 0f meetiN my fiRsT l0ve.
h0piN i wil b wiT him fer e rest 0f mY life.wishful tiNkin.
buT sad t0 saY,tt was my dream. mY firsT is e laSt luv.
nvR did camE true.
i leaRned t0 luV an impeRfect peRs0n peRfectlY.
buT all's a wastE. he tReated me lykE diRt.hahx.serVe me riTe.
buT thNx t0 him,i knEw wad 0theRs weRe talkiN b0ut.
beiN in a relati0nship iS haRd.
i'm 1 yR pluS siNgle n0w n its beeN a bumpY ridE.
sad & happY 0neS.

i waSnt happY t0 g0 t0 ITE.
buT it has beeN an eye-0peneR t0 me.
nvR regRetTed beiN heRe wiT ISP.
mY 1st t0 evrythiN.
bbq,chaleT,daNce c0mp,clubbiN.
i achieVed al0t tis yR.
i hav mY 0wN daNce crEw[a suckY daNcer iN daNceth0n @ css'03]
amaziNglY,t0ok up e challeNge t0 daNce agaiN.
luck.j0inEd daNcew0rks[1st time n0e] n g0t thRu t0 e fiNalS.
puT my heaRt n s0ul int0 daNce.
n it all staRt p0uriN in.daNcin feR sh0ws undeR CEMTA,
peRf0rmed aT y0uTh paRk wiT s'fuNk[it waS ffuunN]
gettiN paid t0 daNce.heh.its nt b0ut e fame 0r $.
its b0ut e satiSfacti0n u get,e eNj0ymeNt u geT..
peRf0rmiN feR 0theRs t0 sEe.
i'm iN luv wiT daNcin.
i caN daRe saY,iTs paRt 0f mY life n0w.
i eveN g0t t0 peRf0rm in fr0nt 0f mY sch0olmaTes.
feR teacheRs daY tis yR.vict0ry.best peRf0rmaNce awaRd.
silveRphuNkeRs.u n0e wh0 u r.
tt, waS e happieSt daY 0f mY life.supp0sedlY waS t0 give a speEch,
buT all tT camE 0ut waS, 'thaNk u s0 much,so0 swEeTt'
yeah.i n0e.d0iNk.diN n0e wad elsE t0 say.
danciN,is e reas0n tt kepT me alivE.
tt passi0n wil still buRn.i still hav l0ts t0 leaRn.
it'll b mY freN weN i'm hapPy n sad.n it'll b wiT me feR quiTe awhilE...

tick-t0ck.timE paSses bY s0 quicklY. iN 3 mthS,i'll b gRaduatiN.
a nEw chp iN life agaiN.n i hav t0 take al0ng wiT me e mem0riEs.
regaRdleSs,swEet & bitteR.

i uSed t0 hav a freN.hiS namE iS Redza M0hseiN Bin Jamal.
He,wh0 i diN eveN seT mY eyeS 0n fr0m daY 1 0f skul.
juS a claSsmatE.wh0m i diN talk t0.
buT sumh0w,we exchaNged nos. n wE staRted c0ntactiN each 0theR.
i rem e fiRst time i meT him @ t0wN wiT hiS grp 0f 'm0ds' freNs.
i waS wiT iffah. n it waS 'iffah,iffah' iN claSs eveR since deN.
haha.deN it all staRted.
e sittiN-besidE-me duriN IT less0nS,tt c0ckr0ach iNcideNT,
e iRritatiN lil fighTs, e '0i!deNgaR lagu ni' fr0m hiS md playeR,
basically,he'll cum iRritatE me lah.
lykE aiN said, 'he's cuTe buT weN he 0peN his m0uth,dh tk cuTe'
haha.tRue.keke.
he tuRned up feR my daNcew0rks prElims.weN i baRely eveN kNew him.
gavE me a n0kia walleT weN he weNt feR his 'fashi0n sh0w'.
tt talk,midnighT @ ECP.claSs bbq.which i f0und 0ut we'Re relatEd.
well,iNdirectlY.[his graNdfatheR waS bestfrEns wiT my gRanfatheR]
s0 i had a nEw name.beStfreN.
ttS wad he staRted t0 call me aftR tt.iRritatiN riTe.
i n0e.uNtil apRil 12,4 daeS b4 daNcewr0ks fiNals,
i finally kNew e real him.n tiNgs staRted t0 fall iNt0 placE.
i waS h0n0uRed.t0 b e gal he t0ld hiS pr0bs b0ut.
culdN rem buT i tiNk he said i'm e fiRst gal he felT
0peNed up n caN talk t0.0k.t0uchEd.
buT i diN n0e wad t0 d0.
all i culd b waS his lisTeniN eaR.3 hRs straighT.
we gRew cl0se aftR tt.
n sumh0w s0 much s0 i accideNtally fell feR him.
i diN waN t0 cuz i t0t i tReat him aS juS a freN buT i waS wr0ng.
n0 0theR guYs tReated me e waY he did.
fraNklY speakiN,maYb it waS all a j0ke t0 him.
takiN pic wiT me @ ECP,
beiN so0o pR0tectivE 0f me,
[he alwaeS temaN me 0n e ph0ne weN i walk h0me if i misS my lasT bus]
beiN deR feR me,
'fliRtin' wiT me iN claSs?
deN it hiT me.e daY he lefT feR ti0maN.
i misSed him.terriblY.
deN it all fell iNt0 place. i had feeliNs feR him.he's special.
he mighT l0ok dumb buT he'S really a nicE guY.to0 nice.
buT it waS all s0 hazY 2 mE.i diN waNna fall iN luv agaiN.
buT i did.deN,it waS fiRst m0vie,daNce,diNner..
all tt lEad t0 mY 3-pagE l0ng letteR.
i diN n0e wad madE me wriTe tt letteR buT i had t0.
i culdN keep lyiN t0 him/mYself.
tt i'm g0in 0ut wiT a freN wit feeliN feR him.
it'll b cheatiN 0uR frenship.
deN its shiT aftR tt.n0t talkiN t0 each 0theR,
av0idiN each 0ther& s0 0n.
i'm a gal wh0 tiNks al0t.n i did al0t 0f aNalysiNg.
buT i still caNt read wads 0n hiS mind.
an0tha mly guY.samE.heaRtbreakeR.
buT n0.ttS wad mY head saYs.buT nt mY heaRt.
he'S diff.special.he'S evrythiN in a packagE.
uNpeRfect buT peRfecT.get it?
we tRied makiN tiNgs betteR buT
iT 0nly w0rkEd feR a peri0d 0f timE.
N0w,i l0st him.
i l0st tt freNship we 0ncEd had.y?
i d0n n0e.maYb iTs cuz 0f e lettEr tT came t0 s0on.
maYb its cuz we'Re nt meaNt t0 b,
0r maYb its juS me.uglY me.
it huRts al0t.yeS.l0ts.
buT i'vE nvR beeN tiS str0ng feR sum1.
feR him,i did.i haTe him buT i luv him.

i hav t0 makE a ch0ice.
till t0daY, i haveN f0und 0ut e aNs ttS g0in 0n iN my head.
buT he, he t0ok me 0n a r0lleR c0asteR ridE..
i'm to0 sick n0w tt i waNna leavE it.
heaRt huRts.head to0.
i'vE madE up mY mind.
itS timE t0 reallY let u g0.
i'm s0rRy.buT if we caRry 0n tiS waY,
it'll b w0rsT.
i'm a ficklE mindEd peRs0n.buT fer 0nce,
juS 0nce,i'll stick t0 mY decisi0n.
if we'Re meaNt t0 b,we'll meEt agaiN sumdaE..
i d0n waNna b liviN a lie.
buT h0ldiN my haNds at e m0viE tt daY,
ttS a liE.frens d0n d0 tt.
itS nvR beeN juS b0uT me.
iTs beeN b0ut u to0. i n0e it was haRd 0n u.
cuz uR ex was back iN e pic.
i'm s0rRy buT m0stlY, i n0e b0ut uR ex.
ppl juS keEp telliN me b0ut heR.
s0 much s0 jeal0usY g0t iNt0 me.
n i realisEd,[c0nsideriN h0w l0w-self-esteEm i hav]
she'S waaayy betteR deN me.
sumh0w, i d0n feEl special nim0re.
sumh0w,i wasNt eveN uR bestiE in e fiRst place.
it was juS a name.

derS maNy 0theR luv st0rieS 0ut deR.
n0t juS mine.sum hv f0und theiR ans..
i haveNt.i will,sumdaE..
if eveR u geT t0 read tiS,[which i d0ubT s0],i waNna saY,
thaNx agaiN feR everythiN.feR e sweEt mem0rieS.
uR a veRy special guY. alwaEs wil be.
i'm s0rRy tiNgs tuRn 0ut tiS waY.i reallY am.
i wish i kNew wheRe we weNt wr0ng.
i diN givE e lettEr cuz i waN u t0 b In a relati0nship wiT me,
buT plS undeRstaNd i dun waNna b liviN a lie.
i juS wanted t0 let u n0e h0w i feel.lifE is sh0rt.
g0od luck wiT uR fuTure endeav0urS.
if eveR,u stil d0 hav feeliNs feR uR ex,
g0 bck t0 heR..feR she n0es u m0re deN i d0.
duN huRt her nim0re.aS a gal, i n0e h0w iT feEls.
letS eNd it heRe.an0tha chp cl0seD.
leavE everythiN t0 faTe.iNsyaallah.

We use to laugh and have a good time
We were best friends
And now we don't even talk
That's why I'm writing this poem
To ask if you still want to be friends
Understand that even though we are not a couple,
We can still be friends
So let's start over
And forget about the past
Make this a friendship to last a long time
And cherish the time we have
For tis is 0ur last year and we might no longer talk
So,please think about it very well
But if you don't want to be friends, I'll understand
But remember that when ever you feel lonely,
Or just want to talk I will always be right there
To talk,to listen and to help you along

-ign0re tis peEps.wiShful tiNkin.0ne wiSh-

t0 th0se wh0 n0e mE n r readiN tiS,
4rm e b0tt0m 0f mY heaRt i waNna saY,
s0Rry if i eveR huRt u.
i waNna staRt new yeaR wit a nEw chapteR
s0 pls f0rgivE my wr0ngd0ingS.
i gaiNed n l0st maNy freNs al0ng e waY.
tReasuRe uRs.
hapPy bdaE t0 me.hapPy nEw yR t0 all.

* swEet sigh

Y11:08 AM