into oblivion.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

One night I was logged in to the local freenet
chatting with a variety of local people about nothing in particular.
A young man called "Inferno"
entered the room and struck up a "conversation" with me.
We talked about everything from firefighting to music and so much in between.

Over the next year we became good friends.
At that time I had been married to a schizophrenic man for about 10 years.
Struggling daily to hold things together.
Trying to keep my husband medicated and functional.
It was difficult to make it through each day with the burdens I was carrying.
I had a young child and I was working two jobs to support all of us.

While I was dealing with all of this
my friendship with Inferno was growing deeper.
It was only a friendship. We spoke of both our lives.
He learned of my trials and I learned of his new love.
As time progressed I began to realize that I loved him.

In my situation, this was not a good thing.
I found it difficult to listen to the stories of his relationship.
He spoke so lovingly of his girlfriend. He was truly special.
It wasn't long before I realized that I was feeling sad and jealous
of his love and what she had that I could not.
At that time I decided that it was better that I not chat with him any longer.
My life demanded my total attention and pining over Inferno was counter-productive.
One late night I said good-night for what I thought was the last time.
We went on with our lives.

A few years later I found myself divorced and rebuilding my life.
One night I decided to email him and see how he was doing.
I felt confident that my feelings for him had waned sufficiently
and that I would be fine dealing with him as a friend.
To my surprise Inferno still had the old email address.
He replied the next day. We spoke that night.
I learned that he and his love had ended their relationship
and he had been though a very difficult year.

It was very exiciting to speak with him.
I felt my heart race every time I heard his voice.
My old feelings had been stirred.
Over a few months I felt totally and completely in love with him and he with me.
He has helped me through many difficult situations, both financial and emotional.

The last four years have been wonderful.
I often feel like I am living a dream.
We are the best friends one can imagine.
He fulfills all of my dreams and desires,
from listening to my life problems to loving me so deeply
that I can still feel my heart beat aloud in my chest every time he enters the room.

Life is a fairytale.

sumh0w, sum-way, i kiNda misS U.
buT h0w caN i b misSin U weN uR neveR deR?
0h, lifE is certaiNly full of conTradictioNs.
waTchin gRey's aNatomY lasT niTe made me shEd tearS.
i waNna feel uR hands iNterlockiN mine agaiN.
th0se fiNgers tt grazEd softlY against miNe.
U brushEd it wiT such lovE n carE..
buT i'vEd m0ved 0n. 0r hav i?

if u kNew tiS waS uR lasT daY 0n eaRth, h0w r u g0in to speNd it?

Y11:25 AM